I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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