To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
