that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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