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He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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