Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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