I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
