she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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