It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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