This girl is more easily done than said...
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
