Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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