Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
