There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
4 words: hood of his car
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
