I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
