Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
