Cold hands, warm shart.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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