He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
