Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
