Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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