He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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