You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize