Cold hands, warm shart.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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