Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I looked at my own cervix.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
