At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
