Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
