i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
