trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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