i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
