You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
