You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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