so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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