fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
