I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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