Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
