she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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