so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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