I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
