her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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