A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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