Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
