I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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