i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
