Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
