Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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