let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Randomize
