So drunk its hurt
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
