the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
