maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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