Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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