We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
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