what day is it and did you see me today?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
