I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
