i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
