I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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