I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
