PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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