Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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