That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
