and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
