I wish life had little blips of pornography
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
