Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
