She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Green mimosas i think yes
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Randomize
