so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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