That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
