dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
