She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
