Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
