my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
