It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
