If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Actions speak louder than pants.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
