I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
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